“Shadi Ka Ladoo”
***Rajiv Taneja***
“Dosto….’Sardiyaan’ chalu hone wali hain….
Tyaar ho jao ‘Kharche’ka ‘Mausam’ jo aa gaya hai”
“Abb aap poochenge ki..
‘Sardi’se kharche ka kya…
‘Connection’hai?”
“Arrey yaar bada hi tagda ‘Conection’hai”
“Abb pehle poocho toh sahi…
tabhi toh mainn bataun…
ya phirr yun hi….
‘Gali-Gali’ ja-ja…kar…
dakke khate huye…
‘Muft’main hi
‘Gyaan’baanta phirrun?”
“Abb..app…soch…rahe..hain ki…
“Apne…muh…se.kaise…kahain….?”
“Toh…..yaar…jab…
‘Bin…Maange…Moti’
mil rahe hain toh phirr pooch kar karoge kya?”
“Chalo aap bhi yaad karoge ki..
koi..
‘Dildaar’ mila tha kahin…
“Ab bata hi deta hun…..
zyada ‘Suspense’ bhi theek nahin hota.”
“Accha! rukuun?”….
“Pata chal gaya aapko ?”
“Yey toh baddi acchi baat hai ki…
aap sirf ‘Ishaare’ bharr se hi samajh gaye”..
“Achha bhalla batao toh sahi ki..
Kya..matlab…tha…meri…baat…ka…?”
“Dhatt…tere…ki…
Karr…di…na…aapne…
wahi…’Chote’…logon…wali…baat”
“Abb…itni…choti…choti…baatain…
karoge…toH..bhalla..
‘Badde…Aadmi…kaise…banoge?”
“Aapko..’Badda..Aadmi…ban.na…hai…ki…nahin?”
“Lo ‘Kal lo baat….”
keh…rahe..ho…ki…
“Sardi…ki..wajah…se…
‘Rajai’khareedni padegi…
toh..kharcha…bahut…ho…jayega…”
“Kar di na ‘Bihaarriyyon’ wali baat”
“Arre miyan…aissi…
‘Choti-Choti Baatain…karte…rahe…
to..bhalle..hi..
Poori…zindagi..guzar…jaye
‘Badda Aadmi…toh..door..ki..baat..hai..
uske ‘aas-pass’bhi nahi phattak paoge”
“Achha baba lagta hai ki…
sab kuchh mujhe hi samjhana padega”..
“Abb aage tumhare dimag par hai ki…
kitna dimag lagate ho aur..
kitna baccha kar rakhte ho
“Apni hone wali ‘Biwi’ke liye.”
“Arrey yey kya?”..
Mere…muh…se..hi…
‘Asli…baat’…
bina…kahe…hi…nikelne…laggi”
“Abb kya karun yaar?……
‘Chamdde…ki…Zubaan…’hai…..
Kabhi…phissal…bhi…
jaati..hai…bechari.”
“Chalo jab aadhi baat…
aapko pata chal hi gayi hai..
toh..phirr..poori…batane..main..
ab…kassar…kyun…baaki…rakhi jaye?”..
“Darrasal baat yey hai ki…
‘Sardiyon’ main yaar ‘Shadi’karne ka..
sabse accha Season hota hai”
“Na toh garmi ki lu”,
“Na wo ek doosre ka..
‘Towel’ se Paseena ponchna”
“Na hi wo ‘Pankhe’ ki ‘Gharr-Gharr’..
“Na hi ‘Cooler’ main..
paani daalne ki zaroorat”,
“Aur na hi ‘A/C’ ke chakkar..main…
‘Bijli’ke ‘Lambe-Chaude’bill”
“Abb..yaar..’Bijli’…ke…
‘Lambe-Chaude’bill dekh kar toh mera..
‘Dimag’hi kaam karna bannd kar deta hai apne-aap”
“Ya…phirr…
‘Sarkar’….
Padosiyon’,….
‘Dushmano’ki ‘Tedhi Nazar’…
bacha kar
‘Raat ke ghupp andhere main…
‘Chup-Chaap’…
‘Sarkari’khammbe par chadd kar…
chori se ‘Taar’jodna…..
“Arrey jab saari raat…
khambe par hi guzaar doge..
toh phirr ’shadi’ ka…
kya khaak ‘Anand’uthaoge?”….
“Aur phirr ooper se harr ‘Samay’yey..
‘Darr’ki koi ‘Complaint’ hi na kar de”…
“Ya phirr koi ‘Naas-Peeta’….
‘Taar’hi na chura le chupke se”
“Agar aisa huya toh phirr ….
‘Dolte phirna’…
‘Latth’ liye chor ke peeche-peeche
“Arrey…bhai…agar..aap…
usse…’Chor’..keh…rahe..ho..
toh…bhala…yey…toh…socho…,
ki…agar…wo…ek…
‘Chota-Mota’…’Chor’…hai…
toh phirr…aap…toh..
‘Badde Chor’…ho…gaye…na..
apne…aap.”
“Pata nahin dimag ko kya hota ja raha hai?”
“Baat toh ‘Sardiyon’ se shuru hoti huyi…
‘Rajai’ se guzarte huye.
‘Shadi’ke jarriye….
‘Garmi’….
‘Cooler’aur….
‘A/C’ se milte huye’Khambe’pe chadh kar …
‘Chor’takk ja pahunchi”…
“Ab kya karun yaar ? aap yaar baatain itni..
‘Masale-daar’karte ho ki…
‘Waqt’ ka pata hi nahin challa ki…
Baat kahan se ‘Ghoom-Phirr’kar..
‘Kahan ki Kahan’jati ja rahi hai”
“Lagta hai jaise hum phirr apni….
‘Manzil’se bhatkne lagge….
Baat toh ho rahi thi Shadi ki..
‘Toh yaar ‘Shadi’karne ka asli Mazza toh…
‘Garmi’main nahin balki…
‘Sardi’main hi hai”…
“Bhalle hi thodi ‘Jeb’..
zyada dheeli karni padde”
“Abb jab ‘Shadi’ki baat nikall hi paddi hai yaar..
“Toh pehle aik baat badde hi dhyan se samajh lo…
Phirr baad main nahin kehna ki…
“Aapne bataya hi nahin”
“Abb yaar aap poochoge nahin toh bhalla koi…
Kyun batane lagga?”
“Darassal baat yey hai ki aapne..
‘Badde-Boodhon’se suna toh hoga hi ki…
“Shadi’wo ‘Ladoo’hai jo khaye…
wo ‘Pacchtaye’aur jo na khaye.
wo bhi ‘Pacchtaye’”
“Samjhe kuchh?”….
“Ya phirr ‘Ladoo’ ke naam se hi…
‘Muh main Paani aane laga?”
“Abb jab ‘Ooperwale’ne ‘Muh’diya hai aur…
‘Ladoo’ki baat hogi toh…
‘Muh’ main Paani aana toh ‘Laazmi’ hai hi na…
“Toh wo toh aayega hi na?”
“Abb jab ‘Muh’main Paani
aa hi gaya hai toh phirr…
yaar apni ‘Shadi’main…
‘LADOO’zarroor banwana”
“Samajh…gaye..na..ki…
‘Banwana’…
Mainn…yey…nahin..keh…raha..ki….
‘Mangwana’balki…
Mainn..toh…yey..keh…raha…hun…ki…
‘Banwana”
“Kahin..yey…na…karna…ki…
cycle..uthai.aur..chall…diye…Muh..utha..ke…
chauk..wale…
‘Mussaddi Lal’…
halwai..ki…dukan…par”..
“Gharr…par…hi…
khud…apni…’Nigraani’ main…
apni…’Nazroon’ke…saamne
‘Poori..safai..ke..saath’..
badde…hi..pyaar..se..
bilkul…sahi…
‘Naap-Tol…se..
‘Ladoo…”
asli…’Desi..Ghee’..
main..hi…’Banwana…”
“Yey…nahin…ki..kissi…
bekaar se’Refind Oil’
ya kissi..
‘Kanastarr’se bacche huye…
‘Dalda’
main…banwa…lena”
“Agar…shadi…ka…mamla…
nahin…hota…toh..yaar..
kuchh..bhi…karte…
Koyi…’Farakk’.
kissi…ko…
nahin padta ki..
kharab…maal..se…
bane..huye…
‘Laddoo…khane..se.
kitne’Marre’ya kitne’Bimaar’huye”…
“Shadi…ka..mamla…hai…
Kucch..toh…socho…
ki kya Asar padega uss par?”….
Jo aapke ghar main aane wali hai aur…
‘Rishte-daaron’ par?”
“Toh phirr dhayan rahega na?ki.
‘Maal’ bilkul ‘Asli’…
istemaal karna hai..
Bhalle hi beshaq thoda-bahut karza karlena”..
“Lekin ‘Karza’kiss se loge?”
“Apun ka haal toh aapko pata hi hai yaar…
Khud dekhte hi toh ho ki…
Mainn kabhi ‘Burkha’pehen ke toh….
kabhi…’Sarr Mundwa’kar…
Toh kabhi’Nakli Moocchain’lagga kar…
Toh kabhi’Saffa-chat Maidaan’bann kar..
Tmaam’Len-Daaron’se chupta phirta hun.”
“Ab apne Muh se kaise kahun?ki Bhaiyya…
Hum toh iss maamle main bilkul hi…
‘Thann-Thann Gopal’hain”…
“Humse koi ‘Umeed’bhi nahin rakhna”…
‘Haan ‘Salah’ki jab bhi’zaroorat’ aan padde toh bass…
‘Ishara’ bharr kar dena..
‘Be-hisab’ aur ‘Unn-Ginnat’de doonga”
“Chhadd yaar yey’Karze-Warze’ke naam se hi …
mujhe toh ‘Hichhkiyaan’ chalu ho gayi…
“Iska toh apne-aap hi ‘Jugad’karte rehna”…
“Jugad’pata hai na?”
“Arrey yaar ‘Hindustan’
aur…
‘Pakistaan’ main..
harr cheez ‘Jugad’se chalti hai…
Chahe wo…
‘Scooter’ho,
‘Tattoo-Thela’ho…
‘Riksha’ ho…
ya koyi bhi chalne wali cheez…
Yahan takk ki inn dono Deshon ki…
‘Sarkaarain’bhi…
‘Jugad’se hi chalti hain”
“Kyun theek kaha na maine?”
“Agar yaar aapko ‘Tannik’ sa bhi lagge ki yey…
‘Rajiv’ka baccha bilkul…
‘Solah Aane Durrast’….
baat kar raha hai toh…
aik ‘Chota’sa…
‘Pyara’sa reply zaroor maar dena
“Yey toh lagta hai ki mainn bina kissi ki…
‘Permission’ ke ….
apna ‘Ad’ khudd hi dikhane lagga ..
Wo bhi bina kissi’break’ke..
“Dhatt tere ki’Ladoo toh phirr gayab ho gaya topic se…
Lagta hai sacchmuch hi …
‘Asli Ghee’ main tyaar ho raha hai” ..
“Kambhakt phissal jo jata hai baar-baar”
“Amma yaar! ab kahin yey matt pooch baithna ki …
‘Ladoo’ banta hai kaise ?”
“Nahin pata ?”
“Toh phirr lo na …
bhalla kaun manna karta hai aur
Manna karre bhi kyun
‘Shadi’ ka mamla jo thehra
‘Lekin’,
‘Kintu’,
‘Parantu’
baat…yey…hai…ki…
Yaar…’Ladoo’…banane..ka…tareeka…
‘Kambhakt-Maari’…ne..
(Oops..sorry..,ladies…ke…saath..
aisse..nain..baat…karte……na..)
‘Angrezi’…yaane….ki..
‘English’…main…bhej..diya hai ‘Mail’ main…
“Abb…yaar…aapko..to…pata…hi..
hai..ki…’Angrezi’…main…humse…
“ab…apne…muh…se..kaise…kahain..”
ki…thoda..’Left-Right’ ho…jata…
hai…na..Mistake…se”
“Abb yaar aap toh jaante hi hain ki yey …
‘Bannda’ aik baar jo shuru huya toh huya ..
phirr ‘Asli’ baat pata nahin kahan hogi aur yey kahan”
“Aap meri ‘Fikarr’ chodh mazze se …
‘Ladoo’ banane ka tareeka seekh lain …
‘Angrezi main.”
“Agar samajh aa jaye toh..
‘Well’N'Good’…
“Acchi baat hai nahin toh phirr..
wo kone wali dukan toh hai hi apne…
‘Mussaddi Lal’ Halwai…ki”
“Besan Ka Ladoo”
Ingredients :
Ghee - 225 gms
Besan - 225 gms
Castor sugar - 350 gms
Cashewnuts chopped - 1 tsp
Almonds chopped - 1 tsp
Pistachio - 1 tsp
Method:
Place the ghee and besan in a pan over a low heat.
Keep stirring the mixture to avoid the formation of lumps.
When the mixture is cooked, it will release an aromatic flavour.
Remove the pan from the heat and let it cool.
Add the sugar and chopped cashewnuts to the besan mixture and stir in thoroughly.
Now mould small balls of appropriate size, from the mixture
Serve hot or cold
“Rajiv Taneja”
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