“Boya Pedd Babool Ka”
***Rajiv Taneja***
Chehra udaas ho chala thha ….
Maathe pe ‘Paseena’ Ubharr aaya thha
‘Kampp-Kampate’ haathon se phone ko wapis rakha aur …
‘Nidhaal’ ho wahin ka wahin ‘Dhamm’ ja girra….
Socch-socch ke pareshaan huye ja raha thha ki ….
‘Kya hoga?’
‘Kaise hoga?’
Kaise ‘Manage’ karunga ‘Sabb’ ka ‘Sabb’?
Kucch Soojh hi nahin raha thha ki….
‘Kya kiya jaye ?’aur…
‘Kaise kiya jaye ?’
Baar Baar ‘Ooperwale ko ‘Haath’ Jodd …
Yahi ‘Prarthna’ kiye ja raha thha ki …
“Kaash yey ‘Honi’ tall jaye kissi tarah”
“Unka aana ‘Cancel’ kara de ‘Bhagwaan’”….
“Ikyaawan Ruppiyye ka ‘Prasad’ chadhunga ga ….
Poore ‘Ikyaawan’ ka.”
Andarr hi Andarr soch raha thha ki ….
“Pehle kaam to banne phirr dekhunga ki…..
‘Ikyaawan’ ka chadhayun ki…..
‘Ikkees’ ka “
Ya phirr ‘Gyaarah’ main hi kaam chala liya jaye?
‘Gyaraah’ main bhi kya burayi hai aakhir ?”
‘Bhog’ hi toh lagana hai bass….
Baaqi ‘Paadna’ toh apun jaise….
‘Haadh-Maans’ ke ‘Insaano’ ne hi hai…
So kucch Kamm ya Zyada se kya farq padhne wala hai?
“Waise bhi ‘Pathar ki Moorat’ ko kya ‘Khabar’ ki …
‘Desi’ ki khushboo kya hai? aur….
‘Dalda’ ki kya ?”
“Mujjh ‘Pagal’ko hi unka phone uthana thha ?
“‘Matti’ toh meri hi maari gayi thhi jo….
‘Free Incoming’ ke lalach main …
‘Char-Char’ phone lagwa daale aur..
‘Raubb’ jhaadne ke chakkar main ‘Mamaji’ ko…
sabhi ke sabhi number thamma baitha”
“Abb sala ‘Aik’ phone na uthao toh…
turrant ‘Dooje’ ki Ghanti bajj uthhti hai…
‘Dooja’ na uthao toh ‘Teeje’ pe….
“Aur ‘Teeja’ na uthao toh ….
‘Chautha’ Galla phaade chillane lagta hai”
“Sala mainn toh tanng aa gaya hun in…
‘Musibatt ke Maare’ mobile phono se”…
“Saalon ne accha ‘Lifetime’ ka pannga dala”…
“Pehle kitna badhiya thha ki….
‘Recharge’ na karwao toh…
saale turrant hi Line kaat daalte thhe”…
“Le Beta …Ho ja ‘Azaad’”
“Aur ab jebb main ‘Note’ hon na hon …
Sala ‘Farq’ hi nahin padhta..
Phone ‘Chalu’ ka ‘Chalu’”…
“kissi ko ‘Goli’ dene layak nahin choda ‘Patthon’ ne ki…
Bhaiyya phone main balance hi nahin thha…
So bannd ho gaya..
toh ‘Baat’ kaise karta aapse ?”
“Accha ‘Jhun-jhuna’ thamaya in ‘Patthon’ ne ‘Lifetime’ ka”…
“Aik toh ‘Call’ mehngi kar di”..
“Ooper se jisse dekho Sala…
‘Missed Call’ maar dalta hai jhatt se ki…
‘Beta’ ab tu hi phone karr”
“Paise kaun bharega?”…
“Tera baap?”
“Pedd pe nahin ugg rahe? aur..
Na hi mera ‘Baap’ koi ‘Mill’ chalta chodd gaya hai ki….
‘Beta’ Tu ‘Udda’…
‘Mauj’ karr…
“Mainn Hun Na”
“Abb koi ‘Ladki’agar ‘Missed Call’ karre toh..
Samajh main bhi aata hai ..
Karr le ‘Beta’ Phatta-phatt’…
‘Garraj’ toh apni hi hai na…
“Saali kahin kissi aur ke sanng hi na….
pahunch jaaye ‘Date’ maarne aur….
Hum ‘Ruppeye-Do-Ruppeye’ bachane ke chakkar main…
Poora ‘Ladoo’ hi Gawaan baithain haath se”
Bass yahi ‘Bud-Budate’ huye pata hi nahin chala ki ..
kab aankh lagg gayi …
Jaane kaisa shor thha ki ‘Chaunk’ ke utth khada huya …
Dekha toh wohi huya jiska mujhe darr thha ….
“Mobile hi ‘Ghann-Ghanna’ raha thha “
“Date ‘Confirm’ ho chukki thhi”
Ooperwale ne ek na suni aur….
kar daali apni ‘Man-Mani’…
Lakh ‘Matah’ phoda uske ‘Darr’ ke aage lekin ….
Koi Fayada nahin …
Kar li usne apne Dil ki poori ..
Nikaal li apni ‘Bhadhaas’
Mainn toh ‘Mazaak’ hi kar raha thha ki….
‘Ikyaawan’ ya ‘Ikkees’ aur ….
unhone jhatt se Bura bhi maan liya
“Bhalla koi ‘Dalda’ ka ‘Prasad’ bhi ….
chadhane layak hota hai…
Jo mainn chadhata?”
“Abb yaar yey kya baat huyi ki …..
wo khudd toh poori zindagi humse ….
‘Mazaak’ karta phirre toh koi baat nahin ….
Humne zara si ‘Thitholi’ kya kar li…
Yun ‘Muh’ Phulla ke baith gaye ki …
Jaise maine koi ‘Gunah’ kar dala ho .”
“Malum hai unko bhi ki chalegi to unki hi so…..
ek adna se Bannde ki ‘Razza’…
poochne ki zaroorat hi kya hai?”
“Kya ‘Farq’ padhta hai ki koi ‘Marre’ ya jiye?…
Unki Balla Se”
“Khudd toh baithe hain ooper mazze se …
sabki zindagi ka faisla karne ke liye “….
“Arrey apna kaam karo aur ‘Mast’ ho jao”…
‘Neki’karte jao aur ‘Kuyain’ main daalte jao.”…
“Bachpan se yahi sunte aa rahe hain”…
“Humain sikhate hain aur khudd hi bhoole baithe hain Janab”
“Poori zindagi ka ‘Thekka’le liya ho jaise …
‘Hisab-Kitab’ aisse sambhaal ke rakhte hain jaise…
‘Girl Friends’ ke ‘Phone Numbers ki…
Falane yey-yey ‘Accha’ kiya aur..
yey-yey’Bura’
“Areey tumhain ‘Tatoo’ lena hai?”
“Agle ki ‘Marzi’ Jo Ji main aaye So karre
“Bass peeche padde raho ‘Haath’ Dho ke” …
“Aur koi ‘Kaam-Dhaam’ hai ki nahin?”
Theek hai maana ki ‘Paida’ karne wala ‘Wo’aur…
‘Marne’ wala bhi ‘Wo’…
Lekin yey jo beech ka ‘Waqt’ hai….
‘Zindagi’ aur ‘Maut’ ke…
Usse toh apni marzi se ji lene do Humain ‘kamm’ se ‘kamm’
Yun hi’Muft’ main ‘Taang’adhaane challe aate hain..
‘Muh’utha ke ….
‘Mann’ hi ‘Mann’ usse kosste huye ..
pata hi nahin chala ki waqt kaise tezi se…
‘Full’ speed se daudde chala ja raha thha…
‘Raunngte’ khade hone ko aaye thhe ki .
Wo bhi aik-aik cheez ka ‘Badla’ zaroor lenge…
“Koi ‘Kasarr’ baaqi nahin rakhenge”
Aaj Mehsoos hone lagga thha ki…
aik na aik din…
“Serr’ ko ‘Sawa Serr’ zaroor milta hai”…
“Sahi ya Galat sabb ka Hisaab
yahin chukana padta hai”….
“Yey sab Agla ‘Janam- Vanam’ sabb..
‘Be-Fujool’ ki baatain hain”…
“Inka koi matlab nahin”
“Asliyaat se koi ‘Sarokaar’ nahin.”
“Jiska jaisa ‘Mauka’ lagta hai Wo waisa..
‘Daav’ challe bagairr nahin rehta “
“Andarr hi Andarr ‘Chor-Dil’ keh raha thha ki…
aakhir tumne bhi kaun si kasar baaqi chori thhi…
Jo abb uski taraf ‘Taak’ rahe ho?”
“Kya apna khudd ka ‘Maal’ hota toh …
iss ‘Be-dardi’ se udaate ? “
“Nahin na”….
Phirr ‘Bhuggto’ abb..
“Jaisa karo ge waisa toh bharna hi hoga”
“Boya pedh ‘Babool’ ka toh…
‘Phall’ kahan se hoye?”
“Jaisi karni waisi bharni”
“Khudd toh doosre ke gharr main…
‘Nawab Sirajudaulla’ banne baithe thhe ‘Janab’…
‘Baap ka Maal samjah ke udda rahe the na?’
“Arrey agar ‘Sacch-Mucch’ …
‘Baap’ ka samjha hota toh …
aaj yey ‘Naubatt’ nahin aati ki…
khud hi apni ‘Kartooton’ se ‘Muh’ chupate phirrte”
Uss ‘Waqt’ Akal kya ‘Ghass’ charne gayi thhi jab…
‘Phokhatt’ ka ‘Maal samajh kar …
‘Ram’ Naam Jappna …
‘Paraya Maal’ apna ki …
‘Policy’ pe chall rahe thhe?”
“Harr cheez ‘Tod-Taad’ ke ‘Bann-ne’ maari thhi tumne …
aur tumhari ‘Nalayakk’ aulaadon ne”..
“koi ‘Control-Vantrol’ bhi hota hai ya nahin ? ki…
bass Khulle ‘Saand’ ki tarah khol daala unko ki…
Beta saamne ‘Paraya-Khet’ hai
‘Manmarzi se ‘Raundd’ dalo…
Kaun sa apne Baap ka hai ?”
“Abb Bhugtoh”
“Galti se’Mumbai’aane ka ‘Nyotta’ kya de baithe ‘Mama ji’.
Khudd hi apne ‘Paanv’ pe ‘Kulhaadi’ challa daali “
“Unko kya pata thha ki….
‘Pakke Be-sharamo’ se Pala padda hai “…..
“Pahunch gaye seedha agli hi ‘Train’ se..
apne ‘Saat Bacchon ki ‘Paltann’ samett.”
“Lekin aik baat toh ‘Daad’ deni padegi ‘Dost’…
‘Maathe pe aik ‘Shikann’ takk nahin aayi thhi unke”….
“Aur aik tum ho ki Abhi se ‘Saans’ phoolne laggi”..
“Huh!..”…..
‘Baarish’ ke aane se pehle hi….
‘Tamboo’ ke ‘Chedd’ takk ginn-ne baith gaye”
“Bewakoof…
Kiss ’socch’ main doobe ho ?”
“Kahin unke ‘Swagat’ ki tyaari ke baare main toh….
nahin socch rahe na ?”
“Akal kya ‘Ghaas’ charne gayi hai tumhari?”
“Pata hai kitne ki ‘Vaat’ lagegi ?”
“Yun hi ‘haath’ pe Haath dharre baithe rehne se…
kucch nahin hoga”
“Soccho “…
“Soccho kucch”…
“Dimag’ ke ‘Ghodde’ daudao”……
“Koi toh hall nikelega iss ‘Musibat’ ka”…
“kya karun?”
“Kahan jaun ?”
“Kucch samajh nahin aa raha”….
“Haan aik idea hai….
Gharr ko hi ‘Tala’ lagga ke …
‘Khissak’ leta hun kahin bacchon samett”…
“Na hoga ‘Baans’…
Na hi bajegi ‘Bansuri”
“Kambhakht kissi ka ‘Nyotta’ bhi toh….
nahin aaya hai iss baar”
“Picchle Saal ka bhoola nahin hun mainn..
Bina Nyotte ke ja pahunche thhe ….
Aage ‘Muh’ chidhata ‘Tala’ latka mila thha
Lene Ke Dene Padd Gaye Thhe
“Aamdanni ‘Du-anni’ bhi nahin aur Kharcha Chokha”
“Poore raaste Biwi(High Command) ke …
‘Taane sunn ne padde ..So alag..”
“Ya kahin ja kar chupp jaun?”…
“Nahin yey theek na hoga”
“Apne gharr se hi ‘Muh’ chuppata phirrun?”
“Issmain kahan ki ‘Samajhdaari’ hai ?”
“koi na koi toh ‘Chakkar’toh zaroor hi chalana padega”
“Aik aur idea hai”…
“Haan yey hi theek rahega”….
“Bilkul theek rahega”….
“Hamesha ke liye raasta bannd”
“Pakka ‘Be-Sharam’ bann jata hun”
“Paise bachane main kaisi sharam?”
“Agar ‘Samajhdaar’ honge toh…
turrant hi’Jhulli-Bistara’sambhaal..
‘Mumbai’ ka ‘Ticket’ katwa lenge wapis
“Haan yahi theek rahega”
“Roz-Roz ke ‘Tann-tte’ se yahi theek rahega”
“Muh-Phatt’ hona hi behtarr hai”…
“Seedha hi kahe deta hun ‘Phone’ kar ke ki…
Hum toh khudd hi ja rahe hain…
‘Do’ Mahine ke liye ‘Babaji’ ke ‘Aashram’”
“Biwi ki ‘Tabiyat’ jo theek nahin rehti”..
“Shayad ‘Yoga-Voga’ se hi theek ho jaye”…
“Samajhdaar ko ‘Ishara’ kaafi”….
“Apne aap ‘Samajh’ jayenge”
Abhi socch hi raha tha ki…
Muyye ‘Phone’ ki ‘Ghanti’ phirr se ‘Ghann-Ghanna’uthi”
‘Mobile’ walon ko ‘Sau-Sau’ Gaali bakte huye….
phone uthaya toh jo ‘Khabarr’ milli….
Sun ke ‘Baanchain’ khill uthhi”
“Mamaji ka hi phone tha”…
“Aana ‘Cancel’ ho gaya thha”
“Babaji ke ‘Asharm’ ja rahe thhe wo”
“Mami ki ‘Tabiyat’ jo theek nahin rehti thhi”…
“Sachmuch….main ‘Babaji’ ke ‘Yoga’ main bahut…
‘Chamatkaar’hai”
“Baddi-Baddi ‘Bimaariyan’ bhi …
Jadd se khatam ho jati hain kucch hi ‘Mahino’main
“Abb mainn ‘Mamaji’ ko….
‘Babaji’ ke ‘Yoga’ ke ‘Gunn’..
‘Baddh-Chaddh’ kar bata raha thha .
***Rajiv Taneja***
